Gasshō,
We received an email from someone a couple of weeks ago the gist of which was: I live in another country. I have no support for practice. Last night I tried to kill myself but couldn't go through with it. Can you help me?

We sat silently for a long while contemplating this. We all could remember reaching that level of despair. Probably a good part of our silence was recalling those times of hopelessness, along with the long journey into a different view of life and the world of possibility, a view made available through a strong awareness practice. Slow shaking of heads. So little we can offer, even with the assistance of technology: Open Air and Reflective Listening Buddies are both made possible via computers and Skype. That's a lot, but still so little when someone is far away, alone, and suffering.

A few days later I was talking with some folks who are major producers of spiritual material. We were discussing a project they wanted me to do with them. I was saying that I don't want to contribute to the glut of "spiritual" information on the market. My concern is that there's so much available saying the same thing that, accurate as it may be, people will assume they know all there is to know about spirituality and go to a new, deeper place of hopelessness and despair. "I know the answer is to let go and be in the moment, but I can't do that!"

The fellow I was talking to chuckled and said, "I was just talking to (he named a very famous Buddhist teacher) who expressed the same concern. A lot of intellectual understanding is available, but practice is sorely missing. And it's the practice that is the point, not just knowing how it should work."

Over Easter weekend the Board of Living Compassion met in person at the Zen Monastery Peace Center. We were looking at how to bring even greater integrity to the practice we offer to the world as I expressed this concern about being just one more set of good ideas that only leave a person mired deeper in self-hatred when they try to do something to help themselves, the voices talk them out of their plan, and an opening is created for another trouncing.

Retreats are a great boost to a person's clarity, confidence, willingness, and commitment. So are email classes. But people can do only so many retreats a year (besides which, conditioned mind often talks people into jumping from tradition to tradition to avoid depth), and email classes are sustainable, in terms of devoting our resources, only for short periods of time. Hmmm.

Inspiration! How about offering a practice opportunity especially designed for people who are, one, serious about ending suffering and, two, know they need more consistent support. This would be an "only the serious need apply" situation. These are people who have a strong pull to awareness practice, who know liberation is in their own hands, who are ready to take responsibility and do whatever is required to free themselves, who are ready to take on the challenge--with assistance and support.

I want to sketch out for you what we're thinking of offering and hope that you will let us know if 1) you're in, 2) you're interested and would like to learn more, or 3) you can't see yourself participating. If you're in category #3, please give us a brief explanation of what would stop you.

We mapped out a year-long program that is broken into three-month segments. You would pay a registration fee to join. This is just like a retreat, albeit a long one, and you would be expected to pitch in to support the resources that would be supporting you. Then, you would be asked to come up with what you will be practicing with during the retreat. This will be meant to threaten, push, and generally bring to the forefront of conscious awareness the survival system of egocentric, karmic conditioning and self-hatred that keeps you in whatever level of suffering you currently inhabit. (If you're thinking this sounds a lot like Making a Change for Good, you're right--the extra added attraction is more consistent direct support.)

In each segment you will be doing something that is a stretch for you. It will be something you've always been interested in doing but the voices would never let you attempt, let alone complete and feel good about. Coming up with the project will be the first phase, and we will all work on that together. Then we begin.

We will confront the voices, the stories, the better ideas, the endless conditioned conversations, excuses, self-hate--the whole world of resistance that, when you believe it, keeps you stuck in suffering. We will explore how resistance happens, and where conditioning resides in body, feelings, and mind. We will find willingness; see how quitting happens; learn about commitment and, even more important, RE-commitment; we will practice acknowledging and appreciation; and, above all else, we will know the importance of Sangha, support, participation, connection, and exactly why the Buddha taught that the community of people who practice together is one of the three jewels, right up there with the teachings (Dharma) and awakening (Bodhi).

One of the great weapons of egocentric, karmic conditioning is making a person believe they should be able to end suffering alone. You are told over and over again that if you were just stronger, smarter, more this or that, you wouldn't be suffering; and the fact that you suffer is proof that there's something wrong with you. But that's not true and never has been. It's a lie that serves an egocentricity that wants to be the center of the universe at your expense. We will dispel that lie once and for all!

How will we do that? By taking those suffering conversations outside the head and putting them into the public arena where they can be revealed for what they are and ended. To accomplish this we will use Open Air; our own version of Reflective Listening Buddies (in addition to the regular program, in which we will strongly encourage you to participate); support techniques, such as Daily Peace Quotes and Transform Your Life; and we will be in such close communication through emails and conference calls that wiggle room for the nefarious activities of conditioning, karma, and self-hate will be eliminated.

We will practice. Wherever you are, whatever the circumstances of your life--practice is coming to you! Does this mean we don't want to see you here at the Zen Monastery Peace Center? It certainly does not! In fact, it's our not-so-subtle ploy to get you here more often!

So, what say ye? Are you in? Do you want to know more? Are the voices already kicking in with all the ways this won't work for you? Are the stoppers being put in place? Are you hearing a lot of sentences that begin, "Well, but..."?

If you want to know more, please send an email with your name, preferred email address, physical address, mailing address (if different) and phone number to information@livingcompassion.org, and we will put you on the list for the next communication.

Ah, just in case some of the voices are about money, here's what we're considering. You will pay $500 for each three-month segment. If you are participating fully, at the end of the first month of a segment, we will return $25 to you. At the end of the second month, we will return $100. When you complete the three months--having participated fully through the entire 90 days--we will return the rest of the $500.00. At each juncture, you will be free to keep the money or to give it to the Zen Monastery Peace Center as a donation--a bookkeeping nightmare for us, but worth any price if it assists in freeing even one person from the agony of a life given over to suffering.

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