A process I've been observing lately everywhere in Practice and Life is how magical, beautiful, and fun it is to really show up for this being, and thus all beings. It feels like conditioning's influence is waning, despite what kind of shenanigans "it" is doing or saying on the sidelines because practicing with Sangha is growing my awareness and willingness to drop everything and be here in this moment to allow Life's magic to drop in.
One of these magical events was a surprising experience of hearing a voice in my head say: "I don't know anything about anything," and then noticing that I'm really feeling OK, that nothing was showing up, and that this didn't matter. This was a big surprise on two accounts. I don't think egocentric karmic conditioning meant for me to hear this at all and definitely not to feel so good and free in awareness of "not knowing," but also because I really got it that this was not personal. It was ego-I's projection and its "not knowing" anything. So, it feels huge to get it that none of this is even a tiny bit more personal than the tree outside flowering in the spring and growing leaves.
For this being, though, truly the bulk of the magic happens with Sangha just showing up together to practice whatever we are practicing in conscious compassionate awareness. Early on in practice, I recall conditioning working hard to have me believe that because nothing was showing up for me to share in group, there wasn't much point in coming to practice with my local group because "I was just sitting there like a bump on a log" -- which I could do at home --and anyway, I was really too busy. Now, there is so much gratitude that I didn't fall for this and similar nonsense because in coming back every week, over time, I noticed how great I felt during and after group -- as if bells rang for joy in my heart. Pretty soon I really heard others sharing what they were seeing and could then look and see my experience of what they were pointing to and insights dropped in. In more recent years of practicing, something that really grabs my heart is the courageousness of Sangha outing conditioning's trying to get them not to speak, or sharing what conditioning is saying to them as it happens or telling them whatever it is they can't do. This witnessing of conditioning has been very helpful to recognizing when I hear it.
I continue to show up to be a part of the magic so that this gift is unconditionally available for others, as it was for me. And there is one more thing: awareness practice has grown from a bare thread of connection and understanding to become a beautiful fabric still in process on the loom.
Much gratitude for Sangha everywhere,
Deep Gassho,
Margaret