Participation. Participation. PARTICIPATION!!!! I get very excited about participation. And when I read in Cheri’s recent letter that this is the “Year of Participation”, I was thrilled! I have to confess – I’m writing this while here at work. I notice sometimes at work (and elsewhere) that I feel like I’m dragging. And what it feels like is that I’m not participating. What I see about the process is this:

(1) Conditioning tells me that I live in a “zero-sum” world. I have only so much time/money/resources available and I have to guard them jealously. So yes, I would like to participate more at work, but the other areas of my life are going to be overwhelmed.

Yes, I would like to say “Yes” more often to opportunities that come to me, but I’m going to get stressed out and not be able to handle it, not be able to survive.

(2) So, once these beliefs and assumptions are in place, I just say “no.” No, I’m full up – my plate is full. No, I can’t handle that. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Do you get the point? No. No. No. No. No. And, of course, there are REASONS why I have to say “No.” I would like to, but I can’t. I would like to, but but but but but but but but… conditioning won’t let me say Yes!

(3) And then I feel like I’m dragging!!! Well – is that a surprise??!!! Hello!?!?! I’m busy saying no, staying small, not participating, jealously guarding my time, money, and resources – it’s no surprise that I feel like I’m dragging.

If I’ve said it before, I’ve said it 100 times: Cheri Huber knows what she’s talking about! And don’t take my word for it! Nor hers. Find out for yourself. Participation is the answer. Participation is the answer. Participation is the answer. And to me, the beauty of this practice is the focus, focus, focus on self-hatred and conditioning. Not that we are in battle against self-hatred and conditioning, but they are the inspiration for continuing to do this work.

For me, when I’m present, it works like this: (1) I notice that I’m not participating in a way that part of me wants to; (2) I get curious about what’s going on with me – how does that work? And it’s just fascinating! I’m not wrong for not participating. I’m not right for participating. It’s just that I have this one fabulous lifetime to fully experience what it means to be human. And I intend to experience it!

When I’m not present, it works like this: (1) I notice that I’m not participating in a way that part of me wants to; (2) conditioning beats me up for not participating; (3) conditioning “notices” that I’m being beaten up, and then beats me up for allowing myself to be beaten up.

Oh, by the way, “I” didn’t have time to write this article. “I” didn’t have time to participate. And that’s OK – the heart has time. Gasshō.