In 2004 I made arrangements to host Cheri for a Friday evening book reading and Saturday workshop to be held in October.  I also attended several retreats. At the Precepts we discussed a letter Cheri had received, which read in part: (Living Compassion Newsletter September 29, 2004)

Until now, as a sangha member, I could be largely a consumer. I could look at the workshop/retreat schedule offered by other people who "produce" practice for me, and I could select what I wanted. Now I'm being asked-we're all being asked-to be among those who take the practice out into the world. We're being asked to make practice available in many ways to many people, not just us.

I felt the truth of being a practice consumer.  Each year I made a plan to attend a certain number and type of retreat.  My first thought on inviting Cheri to conduct a workshop was only to reduce my travel.  Then, over the year, things began to shift.  At first I believed the voices that told me only certain people would be interested in the workshop.  As October grew closer, I began having interactions with friends and co-workers that I wanted to invite to this weekend.  I started telling people about the practice, and what it had meant in my life, and the conversations were heart opening. 

I was filled with gratitude as I felt the changes unfold.  I have organized many different gatherings, and the acts of planning and looking forward to, were always more exciting than the actual event.  I saw that I had a big storyline about what things would be like, and I spent the actual event comparing my ideal to what was.  I thought I knew that this workshop would go much the same way.  Then I got it, that I had a completely different choice.  I could continue to share the gratitude I felt for the practice. 

And then the workshop weekend arrived….

There were lots of last minute calls, but no glitches.  I was feeling transcendent.  On Thursday morning as I left for work I noticed that my headlight was burned out.  I had an all day meeting during which I was very identified with Something Wrong Mind (no more transcending).  I worked late, got home, feeling rushed, knowing I had a lot to do to get ready for the weekend, and I had to have both headlights for the long drive.  I grabbed a spare headlight bulb from the toolbox, and set to work.  I had to remove the battery and a plastic pipe to get to the bulb.  It was difficult to get the bulb out and back in.  I finally got it to stay, but it was still burned out.  Plan B: go to the Auto Parts store before lunch, come home and fix the headlight, and leave for the weekend.

On Friday, I left the office at 11:00, got a bulb from the Auto Parts store and headed home.  I took out the battery, took out the pipe, replaced the bulb, had the same hard time getting it to stay in, and then…still burned out.  NOW I stood back and looked at the car.  There are two separate light bulbs on each side.  The low beam to the right, was burned out, I was replacing the high beam on the left! And, I didn’t need to take the battery out after all.  Plan C: on my way out of town stop at a different Auto Parts store and pick up the correct bulb. 

I loaded up the car with all the workshop and overnight stuff and headed out.  I was driving a little fast because I was running late, and then I saw the State Patrol coming toward me, and OF COURSE the car spun around, lights on.  I pulled over, knowing I was speeding, and waited. 

“Good afternoon, I’m Officer Jones, and I thought you should know that your headlight is out, and that you should get that fixed.” 

“Yes officer, I know, I won’t tell you my sad story, but I am on my way to the Auto Parts store directly.”

“Then have a nice day!” he replied.

Thank you, I thought, grateful to not get a ticket and noticing my hair standing up!  I drove to town and pulled into the Auto Parts store.  I got out my owner’s manual, got the part number, bought a bulb and headed back to the car.  I opened the hood, pulled out the first bulb I saw, and again held the wrong one.  Unbelievable!   ONE MORE TIME, I put in the hard to replace, wrong bulb.  I took out the correct, burned out bulb and replaced it FINALLY!  I wiped my hands and headed down the road to the workshop knowing, as we say, that THIS HAD ALL BEEN FOR ME! 

I am happy to report that the book reading and workshop were well attended and went smoothly.  By the end of the weekend, as the participants gave me a round of applause, there was no “I” there who needed to be thanked.  I was filled with gratitude that I had received so much more than I had given.  I had had a yearlong workshop and gotten an unequivocal confirmation of my commitment to practice.  An unanticipated bonus was to be able to send a large financial contribution to the Monastery from the fees, donations and sales. 

As we examine what commitment to practice means to each of us, there are so many places to be challenged and so many ways to participate.  Cheri’s response to the letter quoted above, said in part,

“…confronting and transcending the resistance of egocentric, karmic conditioning is the transformation.”

For me, it always comes down to The Key: Am I willing to show up, to be open to this moment and to be present with whatever is happening?  Am I willing to be transformed?