A spiritual path is not linear, beginning at A and moving along until, finally, we arrive at Z. So, it can be a bit challenging at times to get a sense of any movement. It is like traveling in an airplane at high altitude. Intellectually, you know you are moving along at great speeds. But look out the window, and there are seldom any clues to indicate this. In fact, it can often look like you are just hanging there in mid-air, going nowhere.  (And this is what conditioning counts on us eventually believing, so we will abandon the journey to freedom.) Until we have a reference point, we don’t have any physical proof that we are moving. And even when we do, the feedback we are getting may not be accurate—like noticing a slowly passing cloud formation that we are actually sailing quickly through.

Luckily for us, there are reference points along the spiritual path, although they can seem extremely subtle for years. A common metaphor is polishing a mirror. That dirty cake of conditioning is very thick. A few strokes of the mirror are not going to reveal any reflection. We have to take it on faith that there is a mirror down there somewhere beneath all that dirt, and so we polish, round and round, going over the same places again and again and again, not appearing to make any dent in what seems glued to the surface. Then, who knows after how long we have been rubbing, we suddenly notice it feels different, smoother maybe, less thick. Or, a big piece of something falls off.

Another common image used is a spiral. Instead of traveling down a road, we are traveling along a spiral moving round and round, sometimes feeling like we are moving down and deeper, sometimes feeling like we are moving up and wider. Maybe it is both at the same time. Again, we revisit the same places over and over as we circle round and round. As we do this again and again and again, at some point, we get a clear indication that we are different. Those moments feel like grace. I know. I recently had one.

I revisited a very familiar place and was astounded to see how much my relationship to it had changed. It was one of those rare instances where I experienced a stark contrast in my relationship to the content. Most often, I feel more like a frog, unable to notice subtle shifts that grow increasingly dramatic. (Frogs can’t decipher the growing temperature in a pot of water as it boils. And so they would not jump out, but would instead die.) I know intellectually as I practice that everything is gradually completely transforming.  But since there is no stark contrast from moment to moment, I usually fail to notice the shifts. So this was a pleasant, unexpected surprise.

I watched a huge karmic reaction arise and there was no pull to go with it.  I just saw it and thought, “Wow. I usually get all bent out of shape over this, believe the story line, get all worked up in a whirl of emotion and feel trapped in the drama.” I also saw how many years I had spent going with it, over and over again, like a really bad rerun I kept watching. I realized I could easily go with it again in the future, perhaps. But in that moment, there was freedom. No need to push it away, or hold on to the experience I was having. It was just a big, “Wow.”

This was after years and years of practice. And I don’t think the description does it justice. Looking back, I’m not sure the person I was when I started practice would have found it a compelling motivation to stick with a practice through all the trials and tribulations and difficulties I now know lay ahead. Luckily, I didn’t need more motivation. I was in so much pain I was determined to keep going. Now I can see that to get to a place where I don’t have to do anything, where I can just be there and watch as an age-old habit arises and passes away, without giving it any of my energy, well, it just doesn’t get any better than that.

We have to grow very still to begin to see the clues of our transformation.  At first it seems there are none, then like thin clouds, subtle indicators appear. Then, every once in awhile, we are blessed with blatant information that can’t be denied: We are indeed moving and, in fact, moving very swiftly. If we sit still, we will see.

The silence that I started out flailing against has become my friend. And that is the best practice success I can think of.