I’ve been experiencing what I’ve heard described in Sangha as a “rough patch” —very stuck in depression, dissatisfaction, not having the life I want, feeling that something is missing. This experience is very familiar, and I think it’s being held in place by a belief I seem to live by that normally hides way under the radar screen—that life really should be warm, fuzzy and blissful all the time, and that if we’re doing life right, it will be. I just need to get to a level of Awareness Practice where nothing ever bothers me and I can ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after, no more rough patches. This belief hides under the radar because, when I drag it out and look at it, it seems ridiculous. Yet, as soon as my attention wanders elsewhere—such as to this horrible rough patch I’m having—it slithers back into its hiding place and waits its chance to make me feel bad.
I suspect that conditioning clings to the happily-ever-after belief because it puts this being in opposition to Life as it is and holds in place the identity of the one striving for “happiness” and a “better life.” Someone feels her job is boring and her life, unfulfilling. She doesn’t have enough money. She’s not happy. All of it is evidence that she’s not having the life she’s supposed to be having. Something is wrong, and “I” has to get out there and find or create the “right” life—the one that’s “perfect” and waiting just for me! “I” strives and strives and tries really hard and … when that doesn’t work, hits a rough patch.
A recent “Talk and Tell” assignment said that the process of resistance wants something other than what is. The assignment was to record and listen about how comparison keeps us from thisherenow. When I did the assignment, I realized that I was resisting the rough patch. But just what is really wrong with having a rough patch? Without the comparison to the happily-ever-after story, wouldn’t the “rough patch” just be what is? Would it really be a problem? I have to be honest here, and say, uh….no. There’s nothing at all wrong with it, unless I’m comparing it with some imaginary existence I “should” be having. Hmmm. So what about this life with the rough patch? Since it’s the life I’m having and there is no alternative universe, then it’s actually perfect exactly as it is, yes? In fact, it’s the best possible life that I could be having because it’s the one I am having. And if it’s the best possible life that I could be having, then….WOW! I’m having the best possible life I could be having!! What do you think about that??!! YAY! I don’t have to go anywhere else to look for what I want. It’s right HERE! And look at all that it has in it (in addition to rough patches): Awareness Practice, love, the five senses, three cats and a dog, good friends, good food, spring, starry skies, oceans, hummingbirds, and sunsets—to ride off into or to just appreciate.
Feeling better about the whole thing already. And deeply grateful.
Gassho,
Kathryn