I love contributing to the Monastery Newsletter because it really riles ego. Saying "yes" to the opportunity to contribute is followed by ego's "no" and all the familiar forms of ego resistance - worry, comparison, feelings of inadequacy, just to call out a few. Resistance is a green light! So here we go!
Life is full of practice commitments and activities that increase the possibility of being in awareness rather than egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. Ego processes are brought into the light of awareness rather than being unconsciously acted out. Yeah!
A bamboozle I saw the other day was the ego process of ego resisting ego. I noticed a reaction (tension, irritability, aversion) arising in response to what seemed like a stepped-up effort on ego's part to control attention. I saw the whole process as a story, as a conversation. Dropping it………ahhh… thisherenow, breathing, relaxing, and smiling.
I support myself by being plugged into personal recordings as well as practice recordings. My current favorite personal recordings link attention to breath, mantra-like phrases repeated on a loop that can be coordinated with breathing. These are helpful to listen to through the night when conditioned mind goes haywire. Listening and focusing attention on the breath relaxes the body and mind.
Listening to the Sunday Group recordings from the Monastery that are available to Monthly Donors is a favorite activity. I subscribed and the recordings arrive on my phone automatically! It is a wonderful, fun way to keep in tune with the energy, insights and depth of practice at the Monastery. And, of course, Open Air and all the archives, The Recording and Listening Blog -- all good tools to assist in focusing attention on what's in front of me rather than conditioning's narrative. I see so clearly that there is no truth in any of it. No matter what the narrative, "good" or "bad," its only purpose is to perpetuate itself using the life energy of this human being.
Cheri's retreat/workshop "Going Beyond Fear, Resistance and Limitation" is the most exciting practice opportunity that I've participated in thus far. There is every opportunity to see how we are controlled and manipulated by conditioning and to be transformed. We are all practicing with the same piece of content, which is a great vehicle to see through ego processes that we all experience. I'm being told not to write about it, so I am writing about it. Being the opposite of how I'm being directed by the voices is a powerful, transformative practice. The voices really go crazy -- until they don't. That's the fun part. Continuing to focus attention and action on the life I choose, on authenticity, toward happiness is a life of authenticity and happiness. The process is indeed the outcome.
Gassho,
Karen M.