Life is blessedly a series of Practice workshops to explore what is true. I am currently in a workshop that has required significant focus to unearth the lessons on offer.
After two years of volunteering to help lead a community organization, I have become clear that it is time to step aside and pass on responsibilities. Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate has used this as a prime opportunity to create stories and pressure that cause significant suffering. The message is that I am being “selfish and thoughtless” in not continuing.
In a recent Open Air conversation with the Guide, I was able to see more clearly that this content is being used, like any other, to create “feeling bad” through guilt. In fact, as I pay close attention, guilt and feeling bad seem synonymous. Rather than acknowledging and celebrating the commitment and contributions made to the organization, conditioned thinking continuously points to how passing on responsibilities would be “unfair to others.” Really? Is that so?
Recording and Listening interviews revealed a cast of characters/aspects of the personality, which has helped in understanding the often-conflicting thoughts and feelings arising from the conditioned messages. Getting to know these internal parts and their beliefs and assumptions more intimately has allowed greater clarity about the conditioned responses and processes at play. This, in turn, created the space for dis-identifying from feeling bad and “something wrong.” R/L with the Mentor provided the loving support so critical to this exploration.
As I practice with this content in conscious compassionate awareness, it becomes clear that, as with anything else, there is only the “now” step to take at any time. While conditioned thinking says a plan is necessary to assure all will go well, experience reveals there are no assurances. I can only do my best to act from Presence and trust that Life will lead the way. Isn’t that being irresponsible? Again, experience informs me that this is the most responsible and loving approach.
As always, there is tremendous gratitude for the generosity of the Guide, the tools of Practice, and the wisdom of Sangha as support with this and all of Life’s workshops.
Gasshō,
Jan