I’ve had decades practicing with a particular piece of content. With Practice, I’ve moved from “something’s wrong” and “why is this happening?” to “I don’t know,” and eventually to “I only trust myself to attend to this.”
When recording and listening around this recently, the Mentor encouraged another possibility: How about if I allow presence/Life to support this human? It was a subtle point that I didn’t initially understand. Or at least conditioning was creating some fog in this area: “Well, I did turn it over to presence, didn’t I? I had embraced ‘I don’t know’ and I had embraced trusting myself over conditioning and over anyone external who conditioning called an expert I should look to for guidance.”
The Mentor responded: “It’s great how much attention and practice you’ve brought to this content. It’s great that ‘I don’t know’ is accepted and that you’re not looking externally for answers. And what if rather than trusting yourself, you could see what it would be like to trust Life?”
What dropped in was that trusting myself was a way for egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate to grab the attention. If I’m trusting myself there seems to be an identity in control and someone who is knowing something.
So the practice has been with this piece of content and many others to trust Life: When something needs attention, and I don’t know, that’s great. And when Life says, “Well, here’s something to try,” I say, “That’s great,” and give it a try and pay attention. No need for an identity, no one who needs to know anything, and all the support I could ask for.
In gasshō
Bob K.