I listened to a talk from a motivational speaker recently. He said the first time he got up to do a public speaking engagement, it was terrible! But then, he shared his secret (ready for it?). He said, “I did it again. “I did it again, and I did it again, and I did it again, and I did it again.” When I heard that, it went right to the heart – to me, this is SO practice!
What I heard in that motivational talk was why we practice keeping commitments, over and over again, even when (especially when!) conditioning tries to stop us. Here’s how it often plays out for this human: I record and listen. Conditioning says “I’m no good at this, or “it doesn’t work.” I do it again.
Conditioning says, “I’ll never feel good again.” I R/L again. The dark room seems to get darker. I R/L again. I meditate. Conditioning says, “I don’t have time, I’m not good at it, I don’t want to.” I do it again. I participate in a practice opportunity. Conditioning says, “I can’t believe you said such a stupid thing.” I do it again.
Sometimes, when I keep my commitments, there is an immediate feel good effect. That is very fun to be sure. However, sometimes when I sit or R/L or keep another commitment, conditioning is there to cover over the energy and tell me it doesn’t work or I don’t want to do that again, or whatever.
Yes. That’s what conditioning does. So what?! It feels to me that the secret really is I do it again. Doesn’t matter how I feel—super fun when I feel great, but regardless of how I feel, I will do it again. And again, and again, and yet again.
Because, as Cheri often reminds us, we keep commitments to the heart because that is simply who we are. And because, over time, our practice does grow stronger, and every now and then we experience one of those exquisite moments of being in a situation that used to cause intense suffering and see that we are indeed transformed!
So many times conditioning has tried to get me to quit practicing. But no matter. I’m just going to practice again and again and again. Again and yet again, may it be so!
In Deep Gassho,
Jen Y.